It’s been a hard week. Probably the hardest week I’ve ever had in my life so far. As I’ve mentioned before on the blog, my dad has been ill for some time. For probably the last 7 months we have been back and forth to doctors and hospitals trying to get an answer. The entire time, dad’s health has just gotten worse, no matter what medication he was given.
This Monday, dad was admitted back into hospital (a different hospital to the one we had been taking him to), and they ran all the tests again, along with some new tests that had not been done previously.
On Thursday, the oncologist asked mum and I for a char, and broke the news, confirming the fear that I had dared not speak of. Stage 4 lung cancer. Too advanced for treatment, (if only they had caught it earlier in the year). All they can now do is to “keep him comfortable”.
I didn’t really know what to say, I listened and nodded. My mum looked like a deer in headlights and I knew she wasn’t taking in what he was saying. It was a short conversation that felt like an eternity, and at some point I realized that he was going to leave it to mum and I to tell dad he had cancer.
Telling my dad he had cancer was the most difficult thing I have ever had to say to someone. I couldn’t actually say the words, so I asked my dad what he thought the oncologist had told us. He said “cancer”, and I told him he was right. He was composed, he took it “like a man” which is always how my dad takes things. He never lets on when things upset him, but I could see it in his eyes. Of course he was upset. I immediately wanted to take it back, tell him everything was fine, he had been in a good mood all day, and I felt like I just ruined his day.
Chatting to dad today, he is in a positive frame of mind. Although he’s been told there is nothing we can do (yes the oncologist finally got around to talk to him), he’s decided to fight. I’m going to be there holding his hand and cheering him on with the rest of our family.
I’m taking a break from the blog for a while so we can spend what time he has left with him. As much as dad is positive, and I love that he is, and as much as I am praying for a miracle, the oncologist has indicated he be lucky to have a couple of months. I’ll be back, my dad has always supported my blog, and I want to continue, but right now I need to be with my family. Please go home and let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.