SO YOU’RE ABOUT TO BECOME A SINGLE PARENT

There are many things in my life that did not go exactly as I had planned out when I was younger, the biggest of those I would have to say is the way in which I became a parent. I had never for a moment imagined that one day I would be raising a child on my own. I have now been a single mum for years though and I’ve learned a lot along the way. A lot of the advice I’m sharing today was passed onto me by single mums I have met along the way, strong women who had raised their children into great adults. I thought I would share a little of this advice today. 

BE AT PEACE WITH YOUR DECISION

Your decision to be single again, will cause turmoil, it’s a given, but I am assuming you’ve made this choice for a good reason. Especially on the difficult days, remind yourself of that reason and then move on knowing that you have done what you felt was the best thing for your family.  If you are at peace, your home will be a peaceful place for your children. 

DON’T ALLOW GUILT INTO YOUR HOME

Felling guilt over the situation your children now live with is natural, I can’t say it’s never crept into my mind. There have been moments, especially when Ash was younger, when we’d spend time with friends whose children have both parents, I’d feel guilt over not providing that for my child. A long time ago though, I learned to now allow guilt into my heart or my home. It serves no purpose except to make me feel less of a mother than I am. 

GET A GOOD LAWYER

It’s no secret that a family break-up can be difficult to navigate, and that’s why it’s in your best interests to hire a great local family law legal team. You are going to need help when it comes to sorting out custody of your precious babies, along with all the other stuff that comes along with a break-up. A good legal team can help you to achieve an outcome that both sides are comfortable with, and more importantly, one that is best for your children. 

HELP YOUR CHILDREN MOVE ON

A break-up is difficult by all members of the family, not just the parents. Acknowledge that your children are also hurt by this, show them they are very loved and that nothing that has transpired was in any way their fault. Then move on. Don’t be cruel about it, but don’t allow them to dwell on how things “could have been” for long periods of time. Allow them to vent their emotions for  5-10 minutes and then point the discussion in a more positive direction.

Excusing bad behavior due to the break-up, or allowing them to dwell on seriously negative thoughts is not good for them in the long term. So teach them that things don’t always go according to plan, and give them the coping tools to move forward. 

DO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN

I know you are tired, believe me, I know. But you are now in a position where you have to take the lead in your home. Your children need you to be their guiding light. A lot of people equate the word discipline with punishment, but in my home, discipline has always been about guiding Ash to make good decisions, giving her recognition for good behavior, and teaching her right from wrong. The very rare times she has needed to be punished, I’ve always done it in a fair and loving way.

GET SUPPORT

You are going to need a support group, people who you know and trust to help you along your parenting journey. Not even super mums (or dads) parent alone, most of them have a group who cheer them on and help out when needed. They need friends, or family to confide their troubles, someone to hold their hand during scary situations, and every now and then a little “time out”. Find this group for yourself and hold on tight to them, they will help you to stay sane. 

There is so much more that I could share with you, the life of a parent is difficult sometimes no matter what the circumstances. Your attitude toward it can go a long way to creating the happy home that you are seeking, so head up high and keep moving on.

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